I Touch Myself....

When I was growing up and going to Catholic school, the nuns often made it clear that if we "touched" ourselves in an inappropriate manner we would go blind. I remember thinking the old people in our family must have lost their sight for exactly that reason.  What else caused blindness? As I grew older and I met younger people who were blind, even though I now KNEW the information to be untrue, I couldn't help thinking that they too "touched" themselves. Maybe even ALOT since they went blind at such an early age.

Once I was in college, the Divinyls came out with the song "I touch myself". I must admit I was instantly in love with the song. It made me giggle and imagine the lead singer wearing dark glasses and using a cane from her blindness. I have never gotten over the mental link of masturbation and blindness. I know that there is no medical link but it is in my brain now and it will not let go.

So when my good friend and fellow blogger began telling me about her eye problems and the temporary blindness she had experienced I immediately blurted out " You HAVE to stop masturbating!" She, being a good Catholic girl, began laughing uproariously. She too understood the wisdom of my medical knowledge.

Later that day when I went to meet with Agent Daddy for lunch, I shared with him my conversation with my blogger friend AND my prognosis. Agent Daddy with an entirely straight face said " That's not funny, I think your friend has the same kind of glaucoma that I have. Call her right now and tell her to get to the opthamologist. Tell her to stop drinking liquids until she sees him and what ever you do don't use any Visine." So now I am freaked out. Agent Daddy usually finds maturbation jokes funny but this was serious stuff. So I got my friend on the phone and told her that appearntly my medical expertese, I once put a band aid on a cat , was flawed. I told her she could continue masturbating but she  needed to get to the Doctor right quick.

Well none of us was right. It turns out that blindness can be caused by allergies and eye strain. Getting old just plain SUCKS! I really liked my made up version of what was wrong with my friend and have decided to stick with that story despite medical evidence to the contrary. Its just more fun to think she went blind just like the nuns said we would.

I Am A Caveman And Much More

I am one of those stay at home Dad's.  My kids are grown and the wife runs off to "The Grind".

 I am home all day long doing the daily tasks and taking care of the necessary business from my Man Cave.   I am a creative guy that works smart, and I spend allot of my time goofin' off wisely.  In the Cave...

I attend more meetings than you can shake a stick at. They are all in the form of tele-conferences that take place on a daily basis. In the Cave...



I have over 15 true partners in various businesses that are spread about the country.  I rarely see any of them and the half of them I have never even met face to face.  Everything is accomplished and I communicate with all of them. In the Cave...

I attend many recording sessions and I collaborate with lots of musicians from all over.  In the Cave...

If we feel like going to the local bar for a drink, we merely take ten steps to our left.  Yup you guessed it.  In the cave...

I have a killer convertible Cadillac that I love soooo much. I got it over 3 years ago and I have only put 3000 miles on it.  Why you ask?  Because I never fucking leave my cave.

Can you see there's the pattern here?

You are probably wondering what the hell is wrong with me...

Let me introduce you to Granny...

From the moment I wake up, to the time I go to sleep... She's here.  My Mother -in-law.  Well sorta...  Not sorta my Mother-in Law, sorta here. The spirit and body are still here, however the mind just ain't like it used to be. I guess when you are in your eighties, whether it's old age or Alzheimer's the mind seems to slip away a bit.  Unfortunately for all of us in the household, the Alzheimer's has literally kicked the shit out of us.  It's tough for me and even tougher for my wife. It's like having a full time child.

You are talking about a lady who has seen it all... The stories she used to tell.  Her family was running the streets of Los Angeles, due to the fact that her father was an immigrant who barely spoke English but supplied the city elites including it's elected officials with the best Moonshine money could buy.

During the days of the depression  and prohibition her family seemed to get by and then some with out even spending one thin dime. Starting at the meat from the butcher to the repairs on the family ride and everything in between.  Even the ability to live above the law.  Then again that would be a simple task, considering the fact that you supplied the Judge and half the police force with their juice during prohibition.

The stories of WW2 as a pre-teen were incredible. Little Mary and a gas mask on a mission for freedom.  Personally assigned by Military elders to pre-dawn creepings in the dark.  Good stuff...

Her wonder years at Garfield High (Yes... The Garfield High) and her pal, the Pachuco Gang leader Robert Telez.  Ha!  Keep in mind, she was tiny little white Armenian American girl with no foreign accent, or  distinguishing physical attributes of anything but a little white girl.  Not typically the type you see hanging out with gang bangers.  I finally asked her how they became tight. She replied "He wasn't very smart and he sat right behind me in class, so I made it very easy for him to copy my work and never stopped him".

Well I guess it worked...  She went right through high school well protected and without a worry of ever... eve... ever being picked on bothered.

Never heard much about the college days, however she was a whiz with numbers and went into accounting.

The lady was such a whiz with numbers she started a fourty year plus, run with the County where she met her soulmate and ended up running the accounting department for the entire county of Los Angeles


Mary didn't take any shit from anyone either... There wasn't a penny unaccounted for. If Mary smelled anything going on, she'd call them out, actually pissing several officials off.  I am sure the scoundrels slipped a few things by her... including a $50,000 desk that I remember reading about.  Hahn apparently slipped that one right under her nose. Some things never change lol

This by no means is any sort of eulogy as Mary is still kickin it,  fiery as ever and just keeps going... and going.... and going. The reason I am documenting these these stories, is because Mary can't seem to find them in her memory banks anymore.

Alzheimer's Disease Sucks!  To watch every stage progress right in front of our eyes, has taught us allot. Believe it! Not only have we been able to educate ourselves and realize what we have to  look forward to as a Seniors. We have also learned patience.  But best of all, rather than dwell in the negative, We have learned to take the art of dealing with Alzheimer's Disease to a whole new level.

Bare in mind, that some of you may find the following list of ways to have fun with Alzheimer's  a little bizzarre, twisted or even a little rotten... However, everything is in good fun.  If it's not fun it gets rather depressing.

Besides, she is the latter phase, so we have more fun than with the early stages. Plus, the woman can take it, as well as dish it out.


1. Make up a new language and stick to it for a couple of minutes and wait for a response.

2. Go along with everything and join the journey.  Some of the funniest things come out.

3. Remember Abbot and Costello's famous "Whos on first" bit?  Try that one for 15 minutes or so.

4. When serving meals.. Knock before entering. When asked who it is, answer, "Room Service" Enter the room and introduce yourself as a random foreign waiter with a different accent for each meal.

5. Sometimes they are very stubborn when it comes to showering and hygiene. Big Bertha, our imaginary 300lb bearded nurse that gets the job done, tends to coax her to freshen up a bit.

6. Ask them to make you lunch, or maybe not.

7.  To keep them occupied, recommend a good movie and put it on. When it's over, recommend the same good move and watch them enjoy over and over and over...  as they will enjoy it just like the first

8. Paper Party!  It amazes me how much fun they are. Give em a roll of toilet paper or a big stack of napkins and watch them happily pass the time away.

9.  Ahhh the endless search for a missing child...  They only last a few moments, but we cherish them greatly.

You are probably wondering why only nine... Well its due to the fact that everyone does lists of 10.

Until next time...

Adam G

Disclaimer:  Real Army of Moms takes real life parental situations and sheds a little humor on them despite the subject matter.  If you can't laugh and don't find us amusing... Beat it!

People will Like you More if You Smell Good...

I have three boys. Nine, twelve and forty-five. Living with all boys is like living in a frat house where I am the one responsible adult. Don't get me wrong, Agent Daddy, cleans up after himself, washes a mean dish, and can cook. ( I know... I totally scored). But he will also laugh when someone mentions ball hair at the table during dinner. I have begun to believe that my boys have made it their mission in life to try to gross me out. I have also come to the conclusion that there is no cure for this.

Ever since I potty trained the two younger ones I have been telling them " Flush the toilet, wash your hands." but to no avail. I come home from dropping them off at school and I am assailed by the most repugnant odor emanating from an UN FLUSHED toilet. I tell them they must bathe daily cause people will like them more if they don't reek. But they think being stinky is funny. The Tech Monkey says to me today that he forgot to wear deodorant and was surprised by how much more his armpits sweat and stank. REALLY? What does that boy think I was telling him to wear deodorant for? The boy stink thing is the worst. Their feet, laundry and rooms all have the pungent odor of a locker room, but they cannot seem to smell it. They laugh when I spray fabreeze in their rooms or make them change their sheets.

I ask them "Did you brush your teeth? " They answer "Yes." I ask them "Today?" silence..." Then please go brush them, people will like you more if you don't smell bad."  I ask them if they are ready for school they say yes then wander out in the shirt/shorts/underwear they were wearing yesterday. " You have to put clean clothes on" I say  "Why?" they say " Cause people will like you more if you don't smell bad." I say, "And I don't want people to think I don't love you, letting you go to school in dirty clothes."

Agent Daddy bathes, changes his clothes, brushes his teeth and smells good all the time. So I question him as to how he has not managed to pass these traits on to his boys. He smiles and says that it will all change as soon as they start liking girls. I really don't want them to start liking girls. That is the begining of them growing up an moving out. I loved my sweet little boys who bathed and changed their clothes every day. These stinky monsters I live with now only vaguely resemble those sweet cherubs. I wonder what liking girls and flushing toilets have to do with one another. I guess I should just give in and accept that they are growing up and girls will soon be a part of every conversation like frag grenades and farts are now.

 I think I will just go start a black mail album to show to these oncoming girls. I wonder if I should try to make it scratch and sniff?

Ahhhhh... To see family during the Holidays

I hope that everyone enjoyed a nice long Holiday weekend.  I sure did! Not as planned, but it was an actual attempt to  spend a "Family" evening with old relatives that I have not seen in decades.

Thanks to the internet I was able to find and contact Family members that I didn't even know existed or that were even still alive.  After a five year quest I had felt my mission was accomplished as I was invited to a "Family" event.  You see... Since my Mom passed away, I had lost contact with way too many Grossman family members. Not to mention that I was a rebellious kid, that would cringe at the thought of a 2 hour drive in the back of my parents car to go see relatives and old people.  I would put up a fight at all cost, typically winning that battle.

Saturday came and the excitement was building as we left the house on our quest for family.

Let the games begin!

In any event, I would like to share with you, the apology letter that I had to send in regards to "Not" making the engagement.


Pam,


Well... First of all I would like to apologize. There was a little confusion on my part about tonight. I feel like such an idiot, I can't even type this with a straight face.

So here goes... Somewhere in between our last correspondence, conveniently I got an invite to a party on Facebook, that Mike Grossmanmusic happened to be hosting. It said bring food or drink and instruments.

Obviously that must be the right party, right? It had directions, phone and all. I was even 15 minutes early I was so excited.

So... at 6:45 the wife and I arrived. Walking happily, hand in hand up what we thought to be your driveway. Anxious to finally fill the Grossman family void in my life.

We were welcomed by a few cool people and invited in.

We sat there alone in the living room for a while watching a band play Led Zep covers. Good stuff! 

About 40 minutes in to the set, Mary finally asked me which of these people are my cousins. I hesitantly replied, "I think that Ryan guy over there... Everyone should be here soon... I guess".

I think you get where I am going with this... Ooooops

In any event,  Mike finally showed up and explained that none of his nice musical friends were related to me and I missed Brunch at the 'other" party. 

We truly tried to come hang out with you guys... We need to all hook up really soon.

Adam G

The Books of B!

A Personal Note By B:  To all my moms, so sorry for the late posting this friday, I just recenlty starting posting the blogs on my own without the admins help and scheduled this blog to go up on 12:00am 11/26 rather then 12am 11/25  My apologies!  I hope the content makes up for the late posting!

    

     So my favorite things about the holidays are for most part, myself included (Although it hasn’t happened yet!); work tends to start to slow down.  I have more free time to hang out with my family and friends, and a little more me time.  Now, my favorite thing to do during “me” time is to read everything fashion!  Yes, I know I’m a wardrobe stylist so technically that’s work, BUT, I love it.  So I decided to compile a list of 10 publications/books that you should read in order to make sure you have all the materials you would need to stay fashionable.  I blog but once a week, this time you have the knowledge I have accumulated at your very disposal!!!  My first two picks are magazines that you must read!  The next six are informational style and fashion publications and the last two is the perfect blend of fashion, motivation and inspiration.

1.       Vogue

·         You should always, always, always (did I say always), read vogue, yes I know what you’re thinking, “Everything is SUPER expensive and out of my price point!”  Heck, most of those items are out of MY price point!  BUT, what you can do is take those expensive looks and trends that you see, and translate that into affordable looks that you can find in the department stores!

2.      Harper’s Bazaar

·         Pretty much the same scenario as Vogue, except the one thing I like about Harper’s is they are much more focused on editorials and the actual wearable clothes, while Vogue is a bit more avant guarde, making it easier for the everyday consumer to identify what they should and shouldn’t buy.

3.      Style Yourself (Foreword by Jane Aldridge)

·         This does not have an author because it is a compilation of 95 fashion bloggers from around the world.  I die for this book!!! It breaks down everything from scarves, to bottoms, to heels, to flip-flops, to jackets…..okay, I think you get the point!  Definitely a great buy if you want to learn the terminology on a lot of the new pieces out there.  AND, it comes with illustrations.

4.      The Lucky Guide to Mastering Any Style (by Kim France and Andrea Linett)

·         Lucky is no novice when it comes to fashion, with this book they break down how to master such looks like, California casual, euro chic, americal classic, mod and bombshell.  Use this as a reference to help you determine what kind of looks you want to try out!

5.      50 Fashion Designers You Should Know (By Simone Werle)

·         Pretty self-explanatory.  This book basically gives you 50 fashion designers that have influenced the world in major ways.  That way the next time you see an all-white tuxedo suit you can think, “How reminiscent of YSL!”

6.      That Extra Half An Inch (By Victoria Beckham)

·         I was extremely surprised to find this book very knowledgeable and well put together, especially when it was written by a former spice girl now soccer hunks wife.  But Victoria held her own, and is a fountain of wealth when it comes to Hair, Heels and Everything in Between.

7.      What to Wear, Where (By Hillary Kerr & Katherine Power)

·         These girls know what they’re talking about!  (Might I add I’m a bit jealous of their blog following, haha).  They give you a list of events that you could ever think of going too, and give you suggestions as to what you should wear and what you definitely shouldn’t wear.  But they do so with two different styles, as they are two different women!

8.      How to Have Style (By Isaac Mizrahi)

·         He takes you from a break down on How to Have Style….”On a budget”, “When you’re traveling”, “and reinvent yourself”.  The great thing about this book is he focusses on different age groups, so it’s super relatable and translatable to many different people!

9.      Fabulosity (By Kimora Lee Simons)

·         A lot of people don’t know what to make of Kimora Lee Simons, former CEO of Baby Phat, but one thing she does know is how to be confident, loud and proud.  This book touches on a few Kimora-esque fashion tips but also talks about empowering yourself as a women whether model or mogul or mother!  I personally LOVE her!

10.  Style A to Zoe (By Rachel Zoe)

·         The stylists goddess herself Rachel Zoe writes about the art of Fashion, Beauty, and Everything Glamour.  She out of anyone knows what she’s doing, she talks about everything from finding your personal style inspiration to tips on how to dress for certain occasions.  Definitely a must buy for you and your daughters!

Well I hope all you mommies enjoy learning as much about the fashion industry (and yourselves) as I do.  I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving! No I’m off to the gym, I ate way to much!!!!  And remember mommies, stay fabulous!!!!

Thanksgiving Funnies

I just wanted to make you smile today

Try this one on for size

Happy Thanksgiving to all of our fans from all of us at the ARMY! Mamlicious, Adam G and Brandon Sapin

Ultimate Stocking Stuffer: The Original AJ's Toy Boarders

Ahhhh.... The days of playing with little green Army Men on battlefields... All lined up with guns proudly displayed.  Each group of soldiers strategically positioned and ready for battle...

With the imagination we had as young boys, we were easily amused and made great use of our time with these little green molded heros.

Fast forward... 2011 where the politically correct patrol lurks...

I can see it now, ever so clearly.... OMG! We cant have this in our society!  They have guns... It teaches the kids violence, destruction and to use the B word... whispers -B-o-M-b-.

Why are they all one color?  This is truly offensive and discriminatory towards kids of different ethnicities.  They should be reported, punished and their product should be banned from all public institutions.  Let's write up some legislature and throw the book at them.  ( I am sure they are out there)

How about this one?  No!  You cant have little tiny plastic Military Heros for Christmas!  We are going to get you a book on Nutrition...  I heard the Mrs. Obama  recommends it.

Phoooey!

Let me think... There has got to be a solution. Hmmm...

 I Got it!!  Just in time for Christmas. Plus... They are little green plastic heros...

Mom!  Fuck The First Lady's recommendation.  Adam G recommends it... and that's much cooler.

Thanks to The Original AJ's Toy Boarders taking the concept in a completely different direction. Help bring back the days when  plastic men and the imagination of a kid was a wonderful thing. 

To the Politically Correct Goon Squad... Put this in your pipe and smoke it...

The guns and ammo have been replaced with decks and wheels!

Adam G says... drop on by www.toyboarders.com and grab a few packs for the stockings. 

The imagination of your kid depends on it. 

Review: Decide.com

When considering this review of Decide.com, my first take was... Online shopping. Ouch! Too many sites too many products. Ugh! I hate shopping! 

However... In this instance, with the Holidays coming, I knew I could put the site to the test.  This year, I plan on buying myself a new TV for my Man Cave, so the timing is perfect. 

In addition thanks to Decide.com Real Army of Moms gets to put on another give-a-way with great prize opportunity for all you lovely Moms. (See details below)

When I got to the site, the first thing that I noticed was the lack of categories. Which was great for me, considering I was looking specifically for a TV, and they definitely had the scoop on plenty of them.  So... If by chance you are looking for electronics such asTV's, Cell Phones, laptops or cameras, then this could be "the" place.  I don't like the distractions of a million different categories when I'm searching for a certain type of product anyway. On the other hand, I did notice an option to recommend new categories, which leads me to believe that there will be more to come.

The fuctionality of the site is very user friendly and simple to navigate.  I had no problem finding exactly what I was looking for within a few clicks. Which in my book is an AAA+. The majority of sites are a total clusters of goods and offers, that require you bob and weave your way to a decision. IMO Complete waste of time! Then again that's just me.

Decide.com definitely narrows down the search and price comparison similar to many sites on the net. However the difference is... not only do they instantly help find the lowest prices from various retailers, they help you decide whether to wait a little longer, to get a better deal.  In addition, if there is a newer model to be released soon, it will also recommend the option to wait for the latest and greatest. 

In the instance that you choose to wait, the Decide Mobile App alerts you when the time to buy is right, you can act immediately to take advantage of the savings. It's actually a quite useful website and tool. I can safely say that Decide.com helps you make the wisest choice, at the right time, to get the best deal. Good stuff!

REAL ARMY OF MOMS Holiday Give-A-Way

Prize: Here is a chance for one of you lucky Moms to win a Kindle Fire

Simply follow the instructions below... Good Luck!( Rafflecopter)

Stocking Stuffers: The Original Hand Vibes

I have to say bravo! Something cool, something new, something with attitude, something collectable, something fun, tradeable and clean as a whistle... but most importantly, something I'd even use.

Holidays are coming and Hand Vibes  are a no-brainer for any stocking that needs stuffin'.

When I say any stocking,  I mean not just for kids...

Then again, I'm a fourty something kid that totally gets it.  On the other hand, the crew from Hand Vibes have demonstrated that most normal adults don't...   

When I first looked at the rainbow of colored rings on their website,  instantly I noticed quite a few vibes that I personally could relate to... and or, create. 

Now this is a message I use on a daily basis whether addressing my dog,
 my mother-in-law, my kids, but mostly over-talkative musicians in a recording session.

I don't know if Hand Vibes knew what they were getting into,  or if they knew who they were dealing with, when they sent them to Adam G and not Michelle of The Real army of Moms.  She has the kids... I merely act like one  =)

Anyways... the packs that were sent to me, were truly appreciated, and have been in my control...   Hand Vibes will now serve as a silent tool that will hopefully bare the same effect... In addition, I may have just found an alternative use that may work as a useful tool for drummers....Thanks Hand Vibes!

OK... Now that I got that out of the way, and got first dibs on the vibes, I gave a little rundown along with SWAG, Live!, Friend and Groovy to my niece.  Now she is truly a kid that totally get it.  I can guarantee that she will be showing all her friends  and asking Santa for more Hand Vibes this Christmas.

Scarves: Knot That Difficult

           One thing I’ve been reiterating throughout a lot of my posts this winter season is the fact that you can do a lot with an outfit just by adding a statement scarf. So consider this your scarf dictionary from lightweight to bulky, I have it all! I’ll give you a brief description of my favorite types or the most popular scarves, as well as a little tip in how to wear them!  Enjoy!

            Kerchief: A basic cotton or silk rectangular shaped fabric.  This can come in anything from a solid to a wild cheetah print.  If you knotting this around your neck can add a playful appearance to any outfit.  Side Note:  These can also be tied around purse handles to add a fashion forward appearance!

            Fringed:  Probably a classic in bulky scarves, frayed or fringed scarves can be chic but easygoing as well.  Some people love to by these in loud patterns and bold colors, if you are the adventurous type then DO IT!  But if not, a great neutral color like gray or beige will fit along fine with any outfit you can come up with.

            Infinity:  This scarf gets its name from the fact that it is a circular scarf, there fore it is never ending.  Some of these scarves are short to where you would simply slide your head through, while others are long enough for you to loop twice around your neck, adding a chunky, funky yet trendy appearance to your already amazing outfit!

            Wrap:  What I consider to be an oversized kerchief, use this in place of a light jacket, or just consider it to be an ultra chic scarf.  They come in a variety of fabrications and colors.  This is a great piece for layering.

            Pom Pom:  A whimsical pom pom can add fun to any outfit while still being warm and functional, but please, do not where this to a job interview.  Keep this scarf as an option for a play date with the kids, or a casual shopping date/lunch date with the girls!

            Stole:  I’ve decided to include this glamorous scarf because it is a classic but I do urge you if you have to have real fur, please only buy vintage.  This means that it has been long time since an animal was harmed to make this piece.  Faux fur is an amazing option, and a lot of designers have really perfected the look to make it appear extremely real.  Faux fur still adds a chic and lavish appearance to any dressy outfit!

Well there you go, my scarf dictionary, I hope you mom’s enjoyed it!  And remember, if you ever have any questions regarding my posts or maybe have a certain scarf you want me to teach you how to wear, feel free to leave a comment below and I would love to address it!

I Had to STOP Using my Powers for EVIL

I often complain to others about how my 12 year old, the Tech Monkey, is smarter than me when it comes to all things digital. If my iPhone doesn't work I give it to him and magically he fixes the problem. Of course he then wants to explain why it was not working and what he did to fix it. He has yet to grasp that I am completely uninterested in why the stupid thing wasn't working. I just am glad that it is fixed and that fixing it did not involve a phone call to India where I would be made to feel like an idiot by someone who I could barely understand in the first place.

My complete lack of interest in how things work was fostered by my father. I really believe that he was determined that I would not be one of "those" women who could do nothing for themselves. So from the time I could read, my daddy had me under the hood of the car reading the Chiltons manual and holding tools for him. I was never allowed to do it myself. It was my job to "watch and learn." Unfortunately for my dad, I grew up to be a buxom blonde and very quickly discovered that it was easier to convince some smitten boyfriend to do it for me rather than doing it myself. One poor boy probably still has the scar on his leg where I accidentally dropped the jack after he finished doing my brakes. Need heavy furniture moved? No problem. Where is my mini skirt? Auto on the fritz? I need a tight pair of jeans,  a tank top, and a push up bra. Not that I am stupid... I am just lazy and uninterested in saying I am woman hear me roar. And, as soon as I discovered the power of a nice rack, I began to use it to my advantage.
 

Perversly, Agent Daddy never let me use my powers for evil. He was not glamered by the power of the boobs. Don't misunderstand me, he liked the whole package but he was morally strong and would not let me lead him around by the nose..or the lower parts. Which is why I fell in love with him. His powers were strong. When he asked my Father for my hand in marriage my Father took him aside and tried to explain to him what this would really mean for Agent Daddy.  My Father led Agent Daddy outside and holding one hand parallel to the ground at his eye level he said "Right now this is your bank account." Then with his other hand parallel with the ground at waist level the said "And this is my bank account. If you marry my daughter," he switched the level of the first hand from eye level to waist level "Your bank account will be here and my account" he raised the second hand from his waist up to his eyes "will go back up to here." Agent Daddy must not have believed him 'cause he married me anyway. He still won't let me use my powers for evil but he doesn't complain when the guy at the dealership gives me a discount on the oil change. I have, however, used my fine accounting skills to make Agent Daddy's wealth grow. Just to spite my Dad.

Let Me Ease Your Pain - Part 1

OKAY... I am feeling musical, I am feeling spontaneous and i am feeling your pain.

Today... I thought that I would try something a little different. In addition, I am going to break it up in two blogs...

Part 1

Question: How many of you lovely Moms have teens or grown children, or even husbands that are inspiring musicians?

You know what I'm talking about... the ones who spend their entire lives, through their last dying breath, locked in the studio for hours, if not days, continuously shooing you away, shoving all responsibility aside and rejecting family time, merely to express themselves creatively, in hopes of someday drawing the stadium crowds. by introducing the next platinum hit to the masses. Ultimately becoming a Superstar! (or at least make a few bucks trying)  Do you sometimes feel the rejection?

Well... as you can probably guess, my Mom and my wife had the same problem. =/

Do you guys even realize how many hits, I should have written over the last three decades?  Well... at least one right? Wrong!  I have played with dozens of bands performing on stage close to a thousand times.  Including some bills with the biggest of names. Played on several recordings that hit the shelves at some of the major retailers. Still, zip, nada...  But it's all self gratifying...

If this is you, who ultimately suffer the symptoms, due to the musical madness of a loved one,... and truly believe (annoying to you or not) their music has the potential for commercial use....

PPPPlease...  Stand up and shout!  

This is in no way, shape or form meant to be discouraging to you or your wannabe musical loved one.

It could be a little light at the end of the tunnel.

Keep an eye out for Part 2... You won't want to miss it.

Until next time...

Adam G

I am a Naked Pervert...

 
According to hittale.com people most often find this blog by searching for pervert moms or naked moms. Yep that is right pervert moms. I guess pervert dads are looking to hook up. well they must be sorely disappointed because I am a pervert magnet NOT a pervert mom. In fact I think that the search results prove it. Perverts go looking for moms and they find me and assume I am a pervert mom. Or mabe it is just that I wrote a post called " Your Mama is a Pervert Magnet" if you haven't been reading this blog that long you can find it here.

As for the Naked Moms thing... I have not got a CLUE how that turned up. I have no nude pictures on my blog,  I had a post called Naked Safety a few weeks ago. ( You can read that here) But that was all about how NOT to be caught naked. So Naked Moms just does not make any sense what so ever. Oh and I can't forget people also find the Real Army of Moms by searching for sex shop handcuffs. No I did not write a post about sex shops OR handcuffs but I guess the post " So Then There Was the Time I Got Arrested" had a picture of pink fuzzy hand cuff and I now am attracting men who are looking for Naked Pervert Moms who have sex shop handcuffs. How did I manage to take such a wrong turn in my life? I thought I was writting a mommy blog but I guess subliminally I am attracting Naked Perverts to my site instead. Not that YOU  are a pervert or Naked, just all those OTHER people reading my blog. So just for clarificaiton The Real Army of Moms is neither NAKED nor a PERVERT. We just seem to attract them

Activisions Games 4 Girls Summit- FAB!

I had the good fortune to be invited to attend Activision's Games 4 Girls Summit in Santa Monica California this past week. For those of you not familar with Southern California, Santa Monica is a beatiful city right on the ocean. This picture was taken out the window of the Penthouse of the Sheraton Santa Monica where the Summit was being held. Yes that is what I said PENTHOUSE. The Summit was so amazingly well done by our friends at ActiVision and by our friends at Sandbox Strategies who put the whole thing together.

When I arrived at the penthouse I was greeted and given a name tag. I was then shown into the room where the event was to be held and I was personally greeted by the guest speaker Suzanne Kantra from Techlicious.com, Marcy Massura, And Amanda Young from Sandbox Strategies. I am a big fan of Techlicious and was excited to see that Suzanne had been flown out from New York to speak with us about gaming and our kids. What she shared was really informative.If you are not already receiving emails from Techlicious you need to get over there and sign up. You can also follow them at @techlicious on twitter. Some of the things she shared I thought were pretty amazing. Here are some things I bet you didn't know about gaming and your kids. Kids who game are more creative, learn to set harder and harder goals for them selves, and games improve your child's ability to reason in new situations. Kids who game with their parents have stronger family ties and have stronger mental health. Also gamers have faster reaction times than non gamers.

After Suzanne spoke Nicole Armstrong spoke on behalf of Activision and the new games for girls that they had just released. We had a chance to meet with other moms who blog, and we had an amazing lunch. I included a picture because if you are like me the food says alot about the set up. Thia was top of the line ALL the way. There were about 40 of us there and we were each given a chance to play each of their new games ( Five in all) and an opportunity to ask and answer questions. I thought is was great that they were really interested in our parenting/ gaming experiences.

They also provided us each with a gift bag containing each of the new games and some related toys. The gift bag ( Shown left) had a retail value of about $200.00. The games we got to play and take home are as follows: LaLaLoopsy, a game that incorporates helping others in the community with sweet dolls that each have their own story that is expressed in the clothes they wear. I received a miniature Mittens Fluff 'n' Stuff doll with the game. Squinkies, a game  where you ride rides and finish levels much like Mario Brothers but inside malls and roller coaster. This game comes with little toys as well and we were given a play pack of Squinkies too. There was also Zoobles and Zhu Zhu babies. Zoobles games comes with a toy Zhu Zhu babies does not. But we were given the accompanying toys for each game. Last but not least, the one game my boys were interested in, Wappy Dog. Wappy Dog is an electronic dog that you teach tricks to by playing a DS game. Our Dog passed away a couple of years ago and I have been unwilling to get another one. This is the PERFECT dog. He never needs to go out. He responds when you pet him and I don't have to kennal him when we travel. I am sure that my niece will LOVE the  other games, which I am saving for Christmas, but I think Wappy dog is really a dog for ALL animal lovers. He is sweet, he sings songs, barks and wags his tail. I am told he does other tricks too but we have only been "training"  him for a few days.

All in all it was a great Summit and I was really happy to have learned so much. I guess I can't complain about the Tech Monkey and Airborne playing video games with Agent Daddy any more. They are certinly creative and good problem solvers which I can now attribute to video games instead of good genes.

In the world of FAD and FAB, I give these really cute games a FAB! If you have little girls you definately need to get these for Christmas.

Lovely Layers

            For many of my friends, their most favorite thing about fall, besides the leaves changing, is their ability to start integrating their fall/winter wardrobe into their day to day looks.  Their love the fact that they can start to pile on the clothes and wear cute layered looks all day.  So I figured, I’d give my tips on how you moms can successfully layer this season.  No, I’m not talking about throwing on a jacket and a parka and calling it a day.  I want you to be able to lightly layer your outfits to give you a fashion forward yet mommy functional look for you to wear out and about whether it’s with baby Julie, or your 22 year old daughter Beth.  Listed below I have narrowed a list down to a couple of items that will help you make layering that much easier, and yes some of these may have even appeared in my winter must blog, so you’re already off to a head start.

1.       Cardigan.

a.       So often I feel the Cardigan is underestimated.  It’s normally used to create a collegiate look, and is considered too light weight for colder climates to be worn as proper outer wear.  BUT, if you teamed up a baby cardigan over a white blouse and layered that a pea coat or trench, you have a chic new way to rock the cardi and still stay warm!  This also gives you the ability to take and add layers when you arrive to a destination indoors.  If you’re a working mom with a business casual dress code at work try layering a pull over cardigan over a dress shirt, add a tie if you see fit, and pair it with some coordinated slack.  This gives you again, the ability to wear layers and keep warm on the way to work.  And if you’re like me, and get hot too easily, you’ll always have the option to take off the layer without compromising your outfit!

2.      Statement Scarf

a.       This is one of the items that I did mention in my winter must haves, a statement scarf can really jazz up any outfit.  If you live in a warmer winter climate, like California, pairing this with a V-neck, denim, and a light weight cardigan is a perfect winter layered look.  Feel free to choose the type of fabric quality per your taste.  BUT, if you live in a colder climate try checking out some infinity scarves made from a thicker knit, they will keep you super warm and look really cute on!  Again pair this over a light weight sweater and layer with a heavier piece of outer wear more of a pea coat because of the textures, and you’ll have a super trendy, functional piece you can wear out and about.  And the great thing is if you get warm while inside you can always take layers off.

3.      Lightweight Sweater Vest

a.       This may be too similar to a cardigan, but the uses of a lightweight sweater vest in terms of layering cannot go un announced.  What is so great about this is that you can technically still layer a cardigan over this piece.  You can also use this piece at work with a dressy shirt/blouse.  Again the benefit being that it is removable.  For a day time look, a plane collared shirt or polo with the sweater vest and some denim or your favorite pair of thick leggings will do the trick.

 

Now, just some simple guidelines about layering, a layered look can be done in many ways.  Some different ways you can layer are, starting from outside in, a heavy outer weight, medium weight sweater material (Like the vest or the cardigan), light weight cotton top/blouse and pair with denim (throw in a thick legging if you feel adventurous).  Another option is to do a medium outer weight, like a pea coat, with a light weight cardigan wrap sweater (see picture) , a heavy scarf and very basic cotton V-neck.  Again, pair with bottoms as you see fit.  Well I hope this helps you create lovely layers moms.  Stay nice, warm, and bundled in this fall season, and remember, stay fabulous!