To Tattoo or Not to Tattoo That is the Question

This past week we have had many discussions involving tattoo's around the house. It all started when Mr Gary, the retired CSI neighbor, picked up Airborne after school for me. Mr Gary is a life saver and took my nine year old, Airborne, to "run errands" with him until Agent Daddy could pick him up. I was off watching the Tech Monkey compete in his last Debate for the semester.

Anyway...Mr Gary took Airborne to Sam's Club, where they had some pictures printed and got a hot dog. (Hot Dogs are one of the few "approved" foods that Airborne will eat.) Then they went to Lowe's. About this time you are probably wondering if they got duct tape and garbage bags from Lowe's for disposing of a body. I mean you've got to wonder, when a retired CSI is at the hardware store if there is body disposal going on. But no Mr Gary was looking for some normal everyday hardware on this day. No body disposal that I could tell. I checked under Airborne's finger nails for dirt from a grave site and there was none so I am satisfied.

Next they went to the Tattoo Parlor. TATTOO PARLOR? With a nine year old? But it was all perfectly normal. Mr Gary's son is a tattoo artist and Mr Gary was picking up his granddog to babysit too. Mr Gary's granddog is a french bull dog named Luna. According to Airborne, Luna likes Mr Gary more than he likes the tattoo parlor because Luna ran out the door to Mr Gary as soon as the door was opened. Luna got to have the last few bites of Airbornes hot dog which made them best friends and they went happily home to Mr Gary's to wait for Agent Daddy to come pick up Airborne.

So here is the text I received from Agent Daddy at about 6pm. "Airborne is fine. He had quite an adventure with Mr Gary. They went to Sam's and , no joke,  the tattoo parlor."

So I write back, "Did he take him to the titty bar and buy him a Jack Daniels to go with his new tattoo?"

Agent Daddy's response " Nah, Mr Gary didn't have a coupon."

This of course made me burst out laughing in the middle of Techie's debate round. Not making me a friend of anyone.

So about now you are thinking "What is the freaking point of all of this?"

The point, my friends, is that getting a tattoo has now been the topic of conversation around our house for almost a week. Now I am not a prude. My brother has several tattoos, Gman has ALOT of tattoo's, Agent Daddy's cousin is a tattoo artist and Agent Daddy's cousin's wife is fully sleeved and armored.  I personally can't commit to a hair color so I don't think tattoos are for me. I also have this thing about not having any " identifying marks" in case I need to go on the lamb someday. But the idea that some day my little babies may make the decision to get inked is something that I can't quite get excited about. It is one of those totally personal decisions that, as they get older, I have to stand back and watch them make. The whole going to the tattoo parlor made me think about how fast they are growing up and what will I say to them when they tell me they want to get a tattoo or pierce their ears or any number of other crazy things they might decide to do. I have no answers as of yet but I thought I would get your take on the tattoo thing since so many of you have kids that are older than mine. Please let me know if you have thought about this or dealt with this, and how you did it. I am courious and filled with dread all at the same time.

Don't Forget to Bring the Champagne!

With Valentines Day just around the corner, I thought you all might be interested in some fun information about the champagne that seems to be an integral part of celebrations. Whether you are staying at home and having a quiet romantic dinner, or going out on the town, celebrating with champagne is almost always a must.

Now I know that many of us are trying to cut expenses so I found a great way to save money and still have that great bottle of wine or champagne. Go on over to Wine.com and check out their great selections of wines and champagnes. They have many bottles reduced in price so as to make an even better value for you.

I especially like the 90+ rated wines under $20 tab. I find that it makes it really easy for me to find a great wine and still stay with in my budget. Wine.com also does wine gift baskets for every occasion. If you are wanting to do something special for Valentines Day and not break the bank, check out their Gifts for $40 and below tab.

Be sure to scroll all the way down and see all the wonderful information about champagne, provided to you from our friends over at wine.com .

Pretty In Pastels

As quickly a winter came, the seasons and styles changed, as the fashion world constantly does.  Now, barely rounding up January I’m already seeing the Spring trends hitting the magazines.  Three colors I’m seeing a lot of for the upcoming spring season in terms of ready to wear, are a very soft powder blue, a very light rose, and a mint green.  Now, this doesn’t mean I’m telling you run out and buy every single item in these three colors, but I figured I would offer my advice as to how to bring in the new season without breaking the bank and making the transition effortless!

1.        Powder Blue

·         Powder blue is a great color for outer weight items (such as cardigans or sweaters) as well as blouses, and dresses.  The great thing about this color is that it’s not harsh to the eye and extremely simple to match.  Whether you’re complimenting it with a chocolate brown purse, or throwing on a pair of blue jeans over a powder blue sweater for a monochromatic look.  The easiest way to incorporate this color into your wardrobe, without going overboard and breaking the bank is to invest in a great cardigan.  For the newer moms, or those with smaller kids, this will wear a lot easier when chasing the little ones around or dealing with a schedule that is jam packed full of play dates and PTA meetings.  Try places like Express, H&M, or New York & Co. for a great selection and reasonable prices, now if you’re looking to up the ante you could check some places like Nordstrom or Banana Republic.

2.       Dusty rose

·         This soft rose, almost a borderline peach with more of a pink feel to it, is an AMAZING color for blouses.  It looks good on almost any skin tone, and if you’re fair skinned and afraid it might wash you out, just go with a blouse with a higher intensity of pink.  Another great item this looks good in is of course, heels!  I’ve been seeing more and more of this soft pink in many different shoe styles from flats to pumps to boots.  The great thing about this color being in your closet is again, it’s very easy to match.  Guess By Marciano has been carrying a great collection of this color as well as H&M.  A silk or chiffon blouse in this color can go with slacks or even dressed down with denim.  Even basic tank tops layered under a white collared shirt looks great when you want a pop of subtle color.

3.       Mint Green

·         Now, although this is going to be a big spring color, this is a tricky color to style.  Your best bet to wear this color is through again sweaters and cardigans or accessories.  A white blouse and denim paired with a mint green stone necklace or bracelet adds that pop of spring color without causing too much agony as to how to match this color.  Another option is for a dressier occasion a mint belt paired with a white blouse and black slacks is a great fashion forward way to wear this color.  But remember don’t limit yourself to clothes; nail polish is a great accessory to wear as well, and pretty easy to swap in and out of!

Well mom’s, I hope you liked the lowdown for the spring trends, more to come as I keep my eye on street fashion.  Also, get excited, Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, you can expect great style tips on how to you ab. fab. for the day!!!  And remember, stay fabulous!

What Are YOU Afraid of?

My best friend of the last 17 years is a Bad A$$ Agent. She plays with guns, kicks in doors and even used to jog with President Clinton when she was a Secret Service Agent. She is a pistol packing mama and I have only seen her really afraid once.

Many years ago when I was  like 9 months pregnant with the Tech Monkey, Agent Bad A$$ volunteered to take me to the grocery store so I could do some shopping. I waddled out to her new truck and vainly tried to climb in. When I say climb, I mean scale Mount Everest. Agent Bad A$$ is shorter than I and why she bought such a big freaking truck I will never understand. So here I was with my hugely pregnant self climbing on to the running boards and then using the hand holds to hoist myself into this giant truck. I figured that if I could get into the truck I could do anything. I need to tell you that at this point in time Agent Bad A$$ had never been pregnant. Which makes this story all the better.

We get to the grocery store with out incident and I begin happily working my way up and down the isles. As I am going along I begin having Braxton Hicks contractions. For the non moms out there this is when you have contractions that are nor really strong enough for birthing. Kind of your body "practicing" for the big day. At this point I had experienced this type of contraction before and was really not at all alarmed. I am pretty much ignoring them as I try to decide on what stuff to buy. My face begins getting flushed, I start panting a little and I am rubbing my belly as I walk. Agent Bad A$$ is pushing the cart and keeps asking me if I am all right. I keep telling her that I am but she finally says "WE are LEAVING NOW!" She is kinda like that, all authoritative. Must be the training. Agent Daddy does that sometimes too. I begin to tell her that I really need to check out and take these groceries home. We debate and she finally gives in only because she starts to think it will be the fastest way to get me out of the store and into the truck. I am kinda like that all stubborn. Must be the genes.

All during our debate the contractions are not stopping. Every 20 min or so I have about 5-10 min of contractions. So every 20 minutes Agent Bad A$$ has a coronary because I won't go home. We finnaly check out and get into the truck. Quite a feet as I explained before, and we are driving back to my place when I start having another contraciton. Agent Bad A$$ looks at me, sees that I am all red and panting and looses it. She starts yelling "You are NOT having that baby in THIS truck!" she has at this point lost all the color in her face and I can tell that the Secret Service really had not prepared her for this. Taking a bullet for the president, YES. Having your best friend give birth in your new truck? NO. I actually am trying to calm her down. She is threatening to drive me to the hospital and I am telling her I just need to go home and lay down. Needless to say, I arrived home in one piece baby still in the womb. I was forced to lay down while she unloaded and put away all the groceries and lectured me about scaring her.

We look back on this day now and laugh. But seriously, I have never seen her so afraid ever. After that day she would not allow me to ride in her truck until the baby was born. She also told Agent Daddy that I nearly had the baby in her truck. Of course I was no where near having the Tech Monkey, he was born 2 weeks later by scheduled C section, but she was freaked out.

So the moral of this story is that EVERYONE is afraid of something. EVEN Agent Bad A$$.

Down for the count

Being sick is such a nightmare!  I hate it and find it  hard to deal with.

Therefore, I have only one thing to say...

Until next time.

Adam G

The Garage and the Limousine

I have always made it a habit to make up names for body parts that are impolite to speak of in public. So when I was driving the kids home from to school today I made an interesting discovery. The Tech Monkey was explaining to me that his Debate Coach had a discussion today in class about proper attire for debate tournaments. The Debate Coach was explaining to the girls that they needed to wear conservative clothing, no short skirts with 6 inch heels. At this point in his description Techie started to have trouble continuing. So I chimed in with " Make sure your Cha Cha and your Ta Ta's are not hanging out. No one wants to see your Whoo Ha."
Airborne, who is only nine, asked "Whats a Whoo Ha and a Cha Cha?"
"Its a girls private parts" I explained.
" We call it the garage an the limo" Tech Monkey corrects me.

I found it extremely interesting that boys automatically assume the position, when speaking of their privates, that their privates are BIG. Notice it wasn't the garage and the SUV or the Garage and the Mini Cooper. Nor was it the Airplane and the Hanger, in which case the "Hanger" would greatly outsize the puny aircraft.  NO it is the garage and the limousine.  I guess we all have our own misconceptions.

Before I had children, I assumed that all of these crazy guy behaviors were nurture not nature. When I had little baby boys I was convinced that I would raise superior male beings that would not find farting and belching to be  Olympic caliber sports. MY boys would not think that hitting each other in the gonads was the funniest thing on earth. They would not laugh hysterically when the word wiener was said in polite company. In fact they would not say wiener at all.

I could not have been more WRONG about the nurture/ nature thing. Boys are simply wired differently than girls. Their wants, desires and humor are mostly incomprehensible . But one thing is true, no matter how old the boys, if left with out female influence, wherever they live will become a frat house. Given enough time they will be running around half naked in their underwear flicking towels at each other and making each other smell their farts. It is inescapable. It is only though puberty that we women can gain control and tame the wild beasts. The only way to hold back the barbarian tenancies is for them to believe that they will never get a girl if they continue on this path. And, for that to be important, they must go through puberty. Puberty makes men mailable. Or at least more predictable in their motivations. So ladies, cover up the Whoo Ha's and the Ta Ta's. If you control the Who Ha you control the WORLD!

Win a Personalized Love Song CD for Valentines Day

Well my friends over at Blog with Mom are having a giveaway where you can win a Personalized love song CD for Valentines Day.
This would make a great gift  and its FREE! So I am posting the Rafflecopter link here. Be patient as you all know this takes a little time to load.




a Rafflecopter giveaway

Do You Smell That...?



J'adore

            Although fashion is my forte in life, there is another sense besides sight that is just as important when it comes to personal style, the good ol’ olfactory sense!  What fragrance you wear is a huge definition of personal style.  The olfactory system can be a huge impact on a person, from taste, to olfactory triggered memories, to moods.  I personally own multiple fragrances, I have an expensive fragrance that I use for “Special Occasions” I have a less expensive more affordable yet still amazingly scented fragrance for everyday use, and one or too basic scents in roll on forms that I use after the gym, or if I’m going to go grocery shopping or hang with friends.  Now fragrances contain different notes.  See below:

Fragrance notes

Main article: Note (perfumery)

Perfume is described in a musical metaphor as having three sets of notes, making the harmonious scent accord. The notes unfold over time, with the immediate impression of the top note leading to the deeper middle notes, and the base notes gradually appearing as the final stage. These notes are created carefully with knowledge of the evaporation process of the perfume.

Light Blue

 Top notes: The scents that are perceived immediately on application of a perfume. Top notes consist of small, light molecules that evaporate quickly. They form a person's initial impression of a perfume and thus are very important in the selling of a perfume. Also called the head notes.



 Middle notes: The scent of a perfume that emerges just prior to when the top notes dissipate. The middle note compounds form the "heart" or main body of a perfume and act to mask the often unpleasant initial impression of base notes, which become more pleasant with time. They are also called the heart notes.

 Base notes: The scent of a perfume that appears close to the departure of the middle notes. The base and middle notes together are the main theme of a perfume. Base notes bring depth and solidity to a perfume. Compounds of this class of scents are typically rich and "deep" and are usually not perceived until 30 minutes after application.

The scents in the top and middle notes are influenced by the base notes, as well the scents of the base notes will be altered by the type of fragrance materials used as middle notes. Manufacturers of perfumes usually publish perfume notes and typically they present it as fragrance pyramid, with the components listed in imaginative and abstract terms. (www.wikipedia.com)

Someday

Finding the perfect combination of these notes in a fragrance will help you find the perfect scent for you.  But, sometimes the option of using a very basic fragrance is suitable for most as well.  I wear a fragrance with a combination of many notes in my “special occasion fragrance”, but I also have a roll on Vanilla scent and a Musk Scent from Kiehl’s.

Some tips for finding the perfect fragrance:

1.       When speaking to an associate at a fragrance section/store, make them away of your likes and dislikes.  Do you like floral tones or a more citrus tone, do you prefer a powder scent or a more of  a clean scent.  She/he can typically point you in the right direction.



Flowerbomb

2.      NEVER by a fragrance on your first visit.  Ask for a sample spritzer, wear it around for a day.  Fragrances smell different on EVERY person, and they tend to smell different 30 minutes after the initial spray, so you will want to wear it for an hour or so to see if you still like it.

3.      If you like something stick with the same tones.  I change fragrances every 6 months, but I always buy fragrances with the same notes, fruity, robust, slightly woodsy and green.

Here’s a list of some of the top fragrances in Sephora right now, check them out at your local Sephora or fragrance store and see what you think of the scent, take what you like and go from there!

Angel

1.      Justin Beiber “Someday”- (I laughed when I saw this, but then proceeded to check it out, and it actually smells great, who would have though!?) $18-$45



2.      Viktor & Rolf “FlowerBomb”- Although on the pricey side, this fragrance is an AMAZING floral fragrance, definitely a “Special Occasion” kind of scent. &25-$150

3.      Dior “J’adore”- I’m sure you’ve seen the commercials on TV well worth the hype!  $22-$98

4.      Thierry Mugler “Angel”- Literally makes you smell like dessert a very strong Gourmand note. $25-$168

5.      Dolce & Gabbana “Light Blue”- A consistent favorite, moderately priced but always a crowd pleaser! $33-$87

And remember, smell fabulous!

Say WHAT?!

It has come to my attention that many of the questions that I ask and phrases that I say have been misunderstood or ignored all together. In the interest of clarity I have decided to do a dictionary of sorts to make things a whole lot clearer to both my children and my readers.

1. Do you need a jacket? This means I am cold therefore you must be also. Not to be confused with #2.

2. Is it HOT in here? This means I am having a hot flash and it would be better for everyone if you just agreed with me that it is hot even if it is 20 degrees Fahrenheit.

3. Are you going to where that? This means go in and change because I clearly don't think what you are wearing is appropriate and or clean.

4. Did you flush and wash your hands? This means that I just observed you leaving the restroom and heard neither the toilet flush nor the water run. Just go back and flush and wash your hands and no one will get hurt.

5. Did you brush your teeth? When I ask this question I am speaking in the present tense and want to know that you brushed you teeth in the last hour, not whether or not you have EVER brushed your teeth.

6. Mommy needs a time out.  This means I am about to go menopausal on your a$$ and you better just let me go to my room before all hell breaks loose.

7. Going menopausal on your a$$. This is the same as going pentecostal on your a$$ but without the love of Jesus to save you from my wrath.

8. REALLY?! This means that whatever you have said or done is WRONG and you should stop it immediately. You cannot win an argument that starts with me saying REALLY?

9. Mompetion- This is a competition between moms where the bitchy mom tries to convince you that their child spoke 3 languages fluently at 6 months. NEVER get sucked into a Mompetion! You will only end up lying like a rug to make your self look better to the bitchy mom whom you know is really lying anyway.

10. I had a coupon. This means that I was almost obligated to buy the item because I would be doing my family such a HUGE favor by saving them all kinds of money. This can also be used to justify new clothes, dinner out, and all sorts of unnecessary expenses. This phrase is the "Get out of Jail Free" card of fiscal responsibility.


Please share with me your "special" phrases and terms so that I can make this the most comprehensive "dictionary".

Hail To The King!

Moving right along, up the list in my cell phone... I haven't a "U", so I will skip "T" and hop up to "S".

Don't get me wrong, I have some great "T's" in here, but considering the previous entries were strictly male friends, I figured that I would shift gears and introduce you to a female friend.

I chose this photo, as she does
"not" have, a nasty cigar
in her hand.  Shortly before
 this photo was taken The
King was told to put it in
the ashtray(Not in photo)

Hail To The King! Don't let it throw you of base... The King is a female.  Not a manly King, but a ruler of her own kind in a Kingdom of her own.

Once again, as always, for security purposes, we will call her King Ferris.
I met King Ferris over a decade ago, in the midst of my musical prime.  A genuinely unique las is she... Upon our introduction in the Kingdom of OC, thar she sat, upon a throne, surrounded by billowing clouds of smoke. Hail to the King! A fucking cigar smoking, tattooed woman that refers to herself as a "The King" that owns a record label called "Long Live Crime".  How cool is that?

To make a long story short, she has been my manager and she is my friend.  She does some incredibly cool things in the Hollywood, including producing incredibly wacky short films. Thats why I am sharing  these today on this Wonderful Wacky Wednesday...

Pictured here... Seriously contemplating the many ways to infiltrate your minds.

Enjoy the following films. I know you will.

Because I'm BATMAN!

This is a phrase that has started to be heard around my house 30 times a day. I don't know which boy started it but all day long I hear " Because I'm BATMAN!" I hear it in the car driving the boys to and from school, I hear it in the grocery store, I heard it in the restaurant this weekend and I have heard it yelled down the halls of my house. Why? "Because I'm BATMAN!" So Thursday after school I was driving the Tech Monkey and his debate partner, my man Caesar, to the local High school for some coaching and the Tech Monkey and Airborne start in with "Because I'm BATMAN!" Now if you don't remember my man Caesar you can read about him here. Caesar decides he has had enough of BATMAN and says "You are NOT BATMAN. Where are your riches?"

Well Both boys are not taking this laying down. The Tech Monkey pulls a buck out of his pocket and says "You see this? This is my riches. Why? Because I'm BATMAN!" Not willing to be out done by his brother, Airborne says "See this quarter? Those are my riches...because I'm BATMAN!" the two of them are laughing hysterically at their own jokes and my man Caesar looks at me hoping that there is some voice of reason in this car.  I look at him and say " They have very colorful fantasy lives." And then I hear from the back seat "Because I'm BATMAN!" in unison from Techie and Airborne. My man Caesar rolls his eyes and says "We aren't gonna win this one are we?" and we hear from the back seat " NO you aren't because I'm BATMAN!"

I used to be a fan of BATMAN, but now that he lives with me I am not so sure. I guess this is true of all superheros, they are all cool and groovey until they move in with you and don't clean their rooms and stop flushing the toilet. Then they are are just a couple of dirty free loaders that I have to put through college and pay for braces. WHY? Because THEY ARE  BATMAN!"

Did You See That...!!!!

            So as we enter the new year, we await all the new television series that are going to be debuting end of January or beginning of February.  Some of them already have!  Well, since all of you are such stylish moms, I wanted to drop some of my favorite TV series, which involve my favorite topic!  You guessed it, fashion!  Whether you want to learn more about the industry, or just see some amazing dresses follow my lead, and I’ll get you on the road to fabulous fashion tv!

Some fashionable tear jerkers:

Unleashed by Garo (Sundance Channel)

Bio:  “Rebelling against the dictates of fashion, designer Garo Sparo and his staff give their clients the freedom to make their own fashion declaration. Part-time psychiatrist and full-time dream weaver, Garo deems the process "Design Therapy."

Garo, who has designed garments for a range of clientele from celebrities such as Madonna, Lady Miss Kier and Daphne Guinness, to every day divas, insists on blind-folded fittings and full creative control, helping his clients battle their inhibitions and unleash their true selves.”

Why I love it:  Ranging from stories of breast cancer survivors, to battling addictions, to celebrating a birthday, Gara Sparo is one amazing designer.  Using his amazing corsetry focused designing skills and a touch of therapy these series is a great show to watch and be inspired.

All On The Line with Joe Zee (Sundance)

Bio: Returning slightly altered, this season Zee will enlist the help of some of his industry friends including American fashion designer, Rachel Roy, socialite and fashion trendsetter, Olivia Palermo, rock musician Adam Lambert, Mark Badgley and James Mischka of Badgley Mischka and model and actress Veronica Webb, to help judge the designer’s ability. Each label will be put to the challenge when Zee asks the team to design quickly and outside of their comfort zones for one of these celebrities, who may or may not be typical of the label’s core clientele.

Why I love it:  This show keeps you on the edge of your seat, and seeing such amazing Fashion advice with Joe Zee creative director of Elle Magazine.  It inspires you, makes you happy, makes you said, more substance than just your every day run of the mill fashion show.

Some returning favorites I’m sure you’re all familiar with:

Project Runway All Stars Edition (Lifestyle) – Check out your favorites duke it out to see who is in, and who is out!

The Zoe Project- She’s a staple TV series in my house.  I own all the past seasons!

And one I’m on the fence about…

It’s a Brad Brad World:  I’m still not sure how I feel about this show, Rachel Zoe’s former assistant comes off some what narcissistic, make it hard to identify and empathize with him.  Why don’t you check it out, leave some comments and tell me what you think!

I hope you enjoy my suggestions mommys, remember, stay fabulous!!!

Grandma's Turning 90

My Grandma is turning 90 on Friday. I can't believe how lucky I am to be 44 years old and still have my two Grannies. One of them is in Florida and one is here in California. Its my California Grannie that is turning 90. She is my mom's mother and all of my moms siblings, and one of my Grandma's niece's are coming in to celebrate. This is exciting and stressful all at the time. We all decided we would surprise grandma with this party. So one Aunt and Uncle and one cousin and her son are staying with me. We will be cheek by jowl but we are all excited to be together. For some of us it will be the first time we have been in the same room in over 30 years. It will be the first time since I was a very small child that all of us will be in the same room together. I can't wait for this one to meet that one and so on. It is also exciting because my other cousin is due to give birth to my Grannies 5th great grand child on her birthday. Of course babies rarely come on their due dates but it would be really cool to get a call from London telling us we have a new cousin born on the 90th birthday of her/his great grandma.

People will begin descending on me tomorrow at lunch and I have another secret. I sprained my ankle. But I have told no one outside of my house and I have sworn everyone to secrecy because I know that no would want to stay here if they thought I would be put out in anyway.  Also they would insist that I not do all the things that I have planned for the next few days. I figure I have survived 2 C-Sections, an appendectomy, gall bladder removal and the removal of my kidney, what's a sprained ankle compared to that. So I just didn't tell any one. Besides the bruise on my ankle is starting to fade a little and I am only taking advil when it REALLY hurts. Like when it starts throbbing after I scrub my house from floor to ceiling so that my relatives won't think I am a slob. Since the recession we had to give up the maid. I really miss her. I paid for college in part by cleaning other peoples houses. So I know how to clean like no ones business. But I so appreciated someone else scrubbing the toilet.

Now I am sitting with my leg up hoping it will stop hurting by the time I finish my excuse filled blog. Now that the house is clean I need to get the kids from school take them to their various after school programs, pick them up from said after school programs feed them and Agent daddy and get to choir. I think its time for another Advil.

Where's Erica?

Today, I thought I'd share a Facebook post I witnessed that definitely gave me a chuckle. 

Pretty recently, I noticed pro-surfer and friend Erica Hosseini  post that she needed a Bootie Freshener. Well... if you surf, and fully understand the frequent use of the word bootie, no big deal right? On the other hand, the majority of the population could not possibly understand the word bootie used in this particular context. 

As popular of an item that Erica has made herself in the world of new media, you could imagine that she, as a beautiful, talented pro-surfer/TV personality can accumulate allot of friends in and out of the surf world. 

Anyways, I noticed this post flash across the screen, where Erica had inquired if anyone knew of a good Bootie deodorizer that they could recommend for her. OMG! Say what? To that average human, outside the realm of the surf world, the interpretation of that question could be read one way.  Yes... You guessed it. A stinky arse... 

I've known her since she was a grom and despite the stinky bootie issue, she is a true inspiration to all women. So if you want to follow her constant, fun travels and crazy antics, go check out http://www.WheresErica.com to see where she is now.

Until next time...

Adam G

Picky doesn't even begin to cover it...

Last week when I was posting about chicken milk I mentioned that Airborne only eats the nuggets of the chicken. That is not exactly true. He will only eat certain chicken nuggets from certain restaurants. He will not eat the chicken nuggets at school. He will not eat McDonalds Chicken nuggets but he will eat chicken nuggets from Wendy's and almost no where else.

This kid is so picky that he wouldn't eat baby food as a baby. I finally gave up and let him have soft foods that I felt he was unlikely to choke on. Hence his current diet of plain pasta, mac and cheese, yogurt, hot dogs and almost anything sweet. Please don't leave me any posts about how I need to force hm to eat healthier foods. This kid can vomit at will and has no problem ruining EVERYONES dinner by doing so when ever we have tried to "force him" to eat what he has deemed inedible. Other than Airborne we eat a pretty healthy diet. I do not buy chips, candy, cookies or crackers. He will eat that and only that if it is in the house. I make dinner and he makes cereal most nights of the week as I refuse to be a short order cook.

When I look back on his life I can hardly believe that we have survived 9 years with this kid. He had a form of colic as a baby when made him cry with out ceasing all day every day. I would often cry with him out of frustration at his crying. That went on with out  stop for 4 months. I called the doctor constantly to tell him something was wrong with my child only to be told "Babies cry. It doesn't mean there is something wrong." Of course when I had finally had enough and took said screaming child to the doctors office so he could share in my joy the doctor found a cure for my babies crying almost immediately. It turns out he needed to take a crap and needed some help with that until he got the hang of it.

I had two moths of peace and then it was time to introduce him to food. He refused to eat baby food. He began the vomiting at will thing early in his career. So when he became allergic to milk it took us a while to figure it out. We thought he just didn't want milk but he kept begging for it. It finally dawned on me that the Milk didn't want him. So we switched to soy which he prefers to this day.

One time we were in the grocery store and he wanted some treat and I told him no and he started having a tantrum. I had become numb to these tantrums due to the 4 months of screaming that I endured at the begining of his life. So I am standing in line with Airborne in the basket. He is screaming like someone is stabbing him with hot pokers and EVERYONE in the store is staring at me. I am horribly embarrassed but I am not giving in and creating a monster. We get up to the check out and Airborne turns in the basket looks straight at the check out girl and projectile vomits all over the groceries, the check out girl the floor and himself. I, for once, am spared. I look at the horrified young woman and say "I have changed my mind. I don't really need any of this." I pick up my vomit covered child who has stopped crying at this point and head for the car to clean him up and go home. I am ashamed to admit that it felt REALLY good to walk away from the vomit and not look back. I did not go back to that store for 5 years.

And that is how we roll.

Happy New Years!

So as we round out our New Year’s celebrations, I wanted to shed light on another new year’s custom that also involves my favorite subject, FASHION!  Some of you may be aware that there is still one more New Year’s upon us.  Chinese New Year’s falls on Monday January 23, 2012.  On this day, there’s a certain custom upon which those who celebrate the New Year do.  What is it you ask?  Well, all who celebrate the holiday wear RED!  Why do I love this?  Because, red is an amazing color to wear.  Let me shed some light on the tradition and why I love this color.

The Mythology behind it:

“According to tales and legends, the beginning of Chinese New Year started with the fight against a mythical beast called the Nian (Chinese: 年; pinyin: nián). Nian would come on the first day of New Year to eat livestock, crops, and even villagers, especially children. To protect themselves, the villagers would put food in front of their doors at the beginning of every year. It was believed that after the Nian ate the food they prepared, it wouldn’t attack any more people. One time, people saw that the Nian was scared away by a little child wearing red. The villagers then understood that the Nian was afraid of the colour red. Hence, every time when the New Year was about to come, the villagers would hang red lanterns and red spring scrolls on windows and doors. People also used firecrackers to frighten away the Nian. From then on, Nian never came to the village again. The Nian was eventually captured by Hongjun Laozu, an ancient Taoist monk. The Nian became Hongjun Laozu's mount” (www.wikipedia.com)

The psychological effects of the color?

Red stimulates us, raises the pulse and is a lively color.  It makes us feel courageous, strong and confident.  It’s a color of power.

Why I love it?

            Besides the fact that I love the psychological effects of this color it is a great color to wear. Blouses and tops especially are great in this color.  Now I know you’re wondering, “What do I do if a red blouse or red dress doesn’t look good on my skin tone!?”  Well, that’s what accents are for!  Throwing on a black dress, with a red pump or red clutch is not only fashion forward, but never goes out of style and is ALWAYS eye catching!  I encourage all you mommies this month, to bring in the new year with some bold red statement pieces, (you know to help bring in all the money, lucky and success) and of course to look FABULOUS!

Chickens People! CHICKENS!

We eat ALOT of chicken here at the ARMY. Probably four nights a week we have some form of chicken. Last night the Tech Monkey and Airborne were asking about the different parts of the chicken and why  some people choose one part over the other. Agent Daddy loves him some dark meat. He likes the dark meat on Turkeys and Chickens which frankly makes us an AWESOME team because I like the breast meat. We can go to El Pollo Loco and get two chicken plates and give him all the dark and me all the light and not have to pay the extra charge for all white meat. When we make a turkey at Thanksgiving he eats all the dark meat that would go to waste if it were up to me.
But enough of all that. Back to last nights chicken. Airborne is asking what parts of the chicken everyone is eating. Tech Monkey only likes the legs of the chicken. Agent Daddy will usually eat the thighs and I usually eat the breast . Airborne only eats nuggets but that is ANOTHER story for another post.  So Airborne says I didn't know that chickens had breasts. Remember the Tech Monkey telling his cousins that the baby the baby donkey sucks it's mothers penis post? Well you can read it here. That same brainiac  answers of couse they have breasts that is what the farmers milk.

I though that Agent Daddy and I would never stop laughing. I reminded him about how in science class he had learned that only MAMMALS have milk and MAMMALS don't lay eggs. I am sure he was embarrassed but MILKING A CHICKEN? That came out of my 7th grader? I would have been less surprized, though still disappointed with the California School systems, if it had come out of the 4th grader. Airborne was so happy that his brother had been wrong he teased his brother all night about how he wanted a glass of chicken milk.


Chicken Milk anyone?

Money Money Money Sorta... Kinda... Woulda... Shoulda... Coulda

Lets just pretend for a second that we are wealthy and have a few bucks lying around, just looking to throw some at the next big hit to fatten the stockpile.  Not your typical tech stock, or even a business venture.  Let's just call this for shits and giggles, currency trading...


Money Money Money  Except in this instance, it's not the Euro,  the Yen nor the Canadian Dollar.  We are going to throw a few bucks at the most speculative and currently one of the most worthless currency on the planet.  It's called the Iraqi Dinar (IQD).

We know nothing about Iraq, the Iraqi Currency or even currency trading. Period! We only care about one thing.  Getting rich!  Based on a for sure thing from a friend of a friend.

You see, years ago Kuwait was going through some tough times as well. They took a good turn, stabilized things and their once nearly worthless paper currency by far exceeded the US Dollar.  The people who were at the right place at the right time, got filthy rich.  Really?  So the story goes...

Well Well Well... Here we are, actually ten years after the war in Iraq started and Saddam was knocked off his throne. The troops are home and Iraq is working it's way to sovereignty . They are establishing themselves as one of the most oil-rich countries on the planet.  In addition, there are strong indications that someday the will get their shit together.

Here's the deal... I don't promote the Iraqi Dinar, nor have I ever traded currency, However, based on the word of a friend of a friend of a friends friend, I figured WTF?... I play the lottery and lose all the time. Shit...  For a buck you can get around a thousand of these things. 

So... to have a million of those laying around in a drawer is either really stupid, or just maybe... really smart?

OK... here's where it gets fun. You pick up a few of these babies.  Whatever you can afford.  $20, $50, $100 worth. 

Next... you start to research your speculative investment and you stumble upon your first bit of intel. It's from someone who knows everything about the IQD.  In the Dinar world, these so called know-it-all's, are called the Gurus  They are truly amazing!  The shit these guys come up with is beyond good.  It has entertainment value in itself.  Some of the stories alone, almost make it worth the price of the E-Ticket.

Just to give you an example, below, I have personally crafted a few. The type of intel you will come across, while researching your soon to be new found wealth. on the various IQD intel/rumor sites online...

I have never posted on here in this section due to the fact that I would "NEVER" post anything that wasn't for sure and didn't come from very reliable intel with boots on the ground. 

On Friday night, I received a call, from a friend of a cousins, second separated uncle's friends nephew, that is on tour in Iraq.  Maliki and the GOI have decided on a rate of $5.27 per IQD to $1 USD and the revaluation is immanent.  

The three suns reach the Middle Eastern moon on the on January 1st 2012.  This is a sign.  According to the Islamic calendar, it is the night of the Orange Sun, which represents change.  This will be the date of the revaluation of the Iraqi currency.

People this is it.  For sure!  I don't think this is coincidental this time...  I heard from my wife's friend, who knows nothing about the IQD and she doesn't even own any.  She says there is a lady at a BofA in Middlesex VT, that swears that the DeLa Rue Machines will be delivered on Dec 29th. There will be a short training period for BofA employees, regarding procedures and handling, in order to cash in the IQD beginning the 1st of January 2012.  OMG!  People this is what we all have been waiting for.  We are RICH!  Praise Jesus... Halleluya!

Now we all know that Dec 29th 2011, as well as Jan 1st 2012 are dates of the past.  Better yet... NO bank is even open on the first, or second of any year. Period!

Man, these gurus have been hard at work, pumping the system for the last eight or nine years. Holy shit!  For some of the pumped, this had to have been a roller-coaster ride from Hell...  

Some of them, I could imagine,  have banked their life savings, based on stories similar to the pumped up BS I just made up off the top of my head.  They grasp on to any bit of hope regarding their once in a lifetime investment...  that was supposed to hit every Monday, Wednesday or Friday since 2004.  It blows me away how some people believe the silliest, most obvious bullshit lies. Especially the ones that are in complete denial.  Every time any of this reliable intel comes out they rush to purchase that last bit of Dinars with their paycheck before the big "cash in" day. 

I hope for their sake, this rollercoaster ride ends soon. Cuz if it does, I'll definitely have quite a few extra bucks in my pocket. =)

Until Next time...

Adam G

New Year New Resolution?

2012 Is here folks and I have the top 10 new years resolutions for the people who want to be honest.

10. I will no longer consider removing food from the box and putting it on a plate to be "cooking".

9. When the dog messes in the house I will clean it up instead of pretending not to have seen it until another person is cleaning it up.

8. I will not refer to Dark Chocolate as health food and then tell my doctor how Healthy I have been eating.

7. I will not refer to my hated neighbor as the spawn of Satan. Or at least not in front of my children.

6. I will stop referring to red wine as my vitamin drink.

5. I will not take it personally when my mother gives me her opinion on all the things I have done wrong. I will try to remember that her list of wrong doing is longer than mine.

4. I will stop trying to convince my kids that sleeping in the living room is the same as being on Vacation.

3. I will keep my who ha and my boobs covered so as not to create envy among the other old lady moms.

2. I will start trying to lose those last 15 pounds and stop worrying about losing the first 20.

1. I will not Kill my kids. This will be the hardest but I am not a fan of prison so I think all my hard work will be worth it.

Happy New Year to all my Awesome readers. Remember You can laugh or you can cry its your choice.