He's Dead Jim
If I knew this morning how the day was going to turn out I think I would have stayed in bed...or maybe not as there was a dead man in my bed. I thought my day couldn't get any worse. I thought wrong. It was 8pm, I had a rough day, and was late getting home. I tripped over the my dog, Hoover, spilling my files all over the kitchen in my haste to get to the toilet to relieve my ready to burst bladder.
While I was having my alone time, Hoover, a ruby miniature dachshund, kept whining and running from the bathroom I was in down the hall towards my bed room. Finishing my business I traipsed down the hall unbuttoning my coffee stained blouse, and kicking off my high heals as I headed to my room. I had spilled on my self on the way into the office and had been stuck wearing a dirty shirt all day. Part of the reason for my increasingly bad day. At first what I saw didn't register. I knew something was wrong with the what I saw when I walked into the room. Something didn't belong, but I was tired and just wanted to change. Standing in my pink lace bra and slacks in my walk in closet it hit me. There is a man face down on my bed. It had been a while since anyone but me, the my twins, Dylan and Dashiell, 16, and Hoover had been in my bed so this was quiet a shock. I grabbed my Glock from the closet safe, and confronted the still prone form on my bed. Aiming the gun, still in my bra and slacks I yelled "Who the hell are you?" Nothing. No movement from the guy. Wondering if he was playing opossum, I yelled again "HEY!" and kicked the bed with my toe keeping the rest of my body as far from the bed as possible.
Now I was getting aggravated. I had a mess in the kitchen, no shirt on and a guy I didn't recognize in my bed. And then my day got even better. I heard Dylan and Dash yell " Mom are you home yet?" Awesome!My twins are home, I have no shirt on, a guy in my bed and a gun in my hand. Good stuff.
"I'll be right out." I called to them.
"Dad's with us" he called back. Perfect! I rolled my eyes and I grabbed a shirt from the closet. Then keeping an eye on the guy in the bed I pulled the tee shirt over my head and I called out." Can you guys bring me a broom?"
Moments later three male's entered my bedroom. Talking all at once "What's with the gun?" Drew my ex "Who's the dude?" Dylan "Did you kill him?" Dash.
"Poke him with the broom" I instructed Dash who was holding the broom I had asked for Such a good kid.
Dash poked the guy, nothing happened. We all looked at each other.
"I'm not toughing a dead guy mom" Dylan said before I could ask. All three male heads started shaking no.
I exhaled loudly exasperated, and left the room. "Hey! Where are you going?" all three men asked following me as I left the room.
"I am going to get my phone and call Uncle Tim." I answered.
I located my cell phone and called my brother Tim who is a homicide detective in my little town. The phone rang twice before he picked up. " Hey Jacks! Whats up?" he answered.
" There is a guy in my bed."
" 'bout time." I could hear the smile in his voice
" I think he's dead."
"Did you kill him?"
"No." I answered indignant.
"Okay I will be right over. Get out of the house. Are the twins there?"
"Of course." I answered "It wouldn't be a party without them. Drew is here too."
" How many people did you call before calling the police?"
" You are my first call. "
"Okay get out of there."
"Gettin'" I hung up and stared at my three brave men who refused to touch the guy on the bed.
"Uncle Tim says we need to get outa here." I headed down the hall, gun in hand. I looked like the leader of a parade. Drew followed with Dash and Dylan after him and Hoover bringing up the tail . No pun intended.
"What are you doing?" Drew asked. Drew is my ex husband and father of the twins. He is also the one who broke my heart. He is a divorce attorney. I suspected that he had been handleing his female clients as well as their divorces. He was tall, handsome and a snake. But he was the twins dad and I adored them. Both of them towered over my 5'4", by at least 10 inches. Drew was a full foot taller than me.
" I am going to pack a bag and call my attorney.""I thought Tim said to get out of the house?"
"How about you and the man boys get out of the house and I go pack?" He stood there staring at me. I think he was deciding whether or not to argue with me.
He shrugged and said "Come over when they are done you can sleep at my house."
"You would like that wouldn't you?" I replied sarcastically.
'I would like for there to not be a dead guy in your bed. Maybe not any guy but me." He moved towards me until he was right in my space, our bodies centimeters apart. I could feel his heat but I knew that all that could lead to was pain so I backed away.
"I don't like dead guys in my bed either. I have had a shit day. I will let you know where I decide to stay."
Drew shook his head and left the room. Thank goodness he had decided not to fight with me today. I didn't know if I had it in me to not give in. Drew was always trying to get me back in his bed. The worst part about that was I knew what I was missing. But I just couldn't trust that he could be faithful so I kept him at arms length.
"Hey sis!" Tim said as he entered the room. He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I could see Officer Yum was with him. Officer Yum's real name was Thad Young. But he was so yummy looking I just called him that in my head. Nothing had ever happened between us in real life but that didn't stop me form having some pretty steamy dreams about him.
"So who is he?" Tim questioned as he felt for a pulse. Officer Yum just watched me move in and out of my closet.
"Haven't got a clue." I answered. I headed into my bathroom for my makeup and a few other items I would need.
"You can't take that stuff." Officer Yum said grabbing the handles of my bag.
"Why not?" I said tugging my bag
'This is a crime scene." He said tugging back
"Look no one killed this guy over my makeup and under wear."
" Let me go through the bag. Leave it on the floor and I will bring it to you."
" I know you just want to see my underwear."
Officer Yum just looked at me. Didn't say a word. They ever so slowly he lifted one eyebrow.
"Fine." I huffed stopping the tug of war that was going on over my bag " I will be out side if you want me." I thought I heard him say "Oh I want you." but I wasn't sure if it was just wishful thinking on my part.
I went out side passing the crime scene tech in the hall. "Make sure you take the bed with you when you go. No way I am ever sleeping in that thing again." I called behind me.
Outside it was a three ring circus. My neighbors watched as one after the other almost every cop car in the city showed up on my door step. I knew about half the force since my three brothers and two of their wives were on it.
I sat on the grass and pulled out my phone. I dialed my best friend Carolyn Kane. She also happened to be a pretty good criminal defense attorney.
"Hey Jacks! Whats up?" She answered her phone. I could picture her at home having dinner before putting in a couple more hours of work.
"There is a man in my bed."
"Is it officer Yum?"
"No. this guy is dead."
"Did you kill him?"
"Why is everyone asking me that?"
"Honey I remember what you did to Drew's Lexus."
"Okay I may have some anger issues. But no I didn't kill this guy. I don't even know who he is."
"Where are you?"
"I am on my front lawn. Half the force in in my house." I lowered my voice and continued, try to make sure no one else could hear. "Officer Yum is in my bedroom right now looking at my underwear."
"Well those are the things dreams are made of. Give me fifteen minutes and I will be there. Don't answer any questions until I get there understood?"
"Yes ma'am. And Carolyn...Thanks"
"See ya soon." She hung up and I turned around to see officer Yum standing behind me holding my bag. He was trying not to smile. I dropped my phone as I tried to stand up quickly to hide my embarrassment.
"Officer Yum?" He winked and dropped my bag.